Joyeux noël

The RCMP package came in the mail. I’ll be hearing back about Normandy in the next few weeks. My post-Mac life will be decided in the next month or so.

Christmas was good. I’ll post more later. Possibly with pictures. Woo.

lost in the blogsphere…

I’ve had my share of blogs… since grade 9 or 10 I’ve had some form or another of online journal (2 livejournal accounts, a blogspot and now a wordpress) and over the course of the last 7 or 8 years I’ve learned the ins and outs of blogging discourse.

There are some problems with determining how to use one’s blog, and while it seems everyone does it a bit differently, there are some basics. You can do the “update” thing, where you just post every couple weeks or so to let people know what major (or not so major) events have taken place. You can do the “venting” thing, where you write about things that piss you off or get you frustrated. Or you can do the business blog, or the art blog, or the short story/fanfiction/poetry writing blog or some other kind of specific blog.

Blogging can be very theraputic, but I think when it comes to the social interaction aspect of it, it can be dangerous. My mother warned me about this aspect of blogging for quite a long time, but I say it’s a risk I’m willing to take. There’s a certain intimacy that comes from people being able to read things that are posted right off the top of your head. People can’t always tell if you’re being sarcastic or angry, a lot of times they don’t know specifically what you are refering to and might read something the wrong way and take offense. And when you’re writing, you know you have a certain audience. I know at least a few people who read my blog/livejournal and I definitely adjust my thoughts based on that, or I make a choice and say “to hell with them, this is a post for me and if they have an issue with it, then they can comment”. But when I make that choice, I know that I can’t get angry with them for having their opinion and wanting to talk about it. At that point I try and make it more of an open conversation, than just me saying things and everyone else listening and that’s it. I think a lot of people don’t do that. Which seems a shame to me, because there’s this real chance at intimacy and even if someone says something that pisses you off, you can work through the issues, if only you can be open enough and take yourself a little less seriously.

Obviously, there have been a few times in the past where I haven’t been in that place, but now when I find I’m not in that place when I read someone’s blog, I wait a day or two and come back to it. I find I’m understanding things better that way.

There’s this whole other aspect to blogging, not in the writing, but in the reading. I know I’m guilty of this, and it drives me up the wall when other people do it: vagueness. When people talk about something and I don’t know for a fact what it is. It’s just a vague impression from some situation… And it drives me up the wall in a good way and a bad way… cause my brain does this thing where it imagines situations to fit in to the post, but being a selfish being, a lot of times I imagine myself being a part of that situation. Unless I know for a fact that it has nothing to do with me (cause it couldn’t possibly), in which case I just relate to the sentiment of it (or not, and instead of empathising, I sympathise).

Anyway. This whole post is brought to you by my latest round of procrastination and the fact that I’ve been spending way too much time reading various blogs and observing the way people interact on them. It is specifically triggered by one blog in particular that I can’t figure out and this last bit is dedicated to that blog.  

I liked things better before others put ideas into my head and I started on this crusade of sorts… I appreciated it more and wasn’t always trying to decide what the hidden meaning was and what it really said about him. Although I must say I don’t mind deluding myself into thinking that there are posts about me in there and that his vaguery is a response to my vaguery. But this weak social link leaves me wanting more… and maybe that’s the difference. This kind of thing encourages me. I want to know, but I don’t want to have to ask. Actually, I would ask, but that sort of thing I couldn’t do online. I’d have to do that face to face. And then we run into that pesky problem of long distance all over again and I’m back in reality. Less lost, but more alone.

Update on things

My application for Juno Beach should have arrived by now. Hopefully I’ll be hearing back about that by the end of the month (at least, that’s what I would like, I have no idea what the real timeframe for this sort of thing might be). Never heard back from the RCMP. No yes, no no. I think that’s a mistake, but I don’t care enough to go and correct them. I’m halfway through exams and I still have two essays to write (one is a deferal). Apparently I only need to take 3 courses next term to graduate, but I’m taking 4 because I’m a nerd and I want to take this translation course. Whatever.

In other news, boys are cute and I’m madly in love (well, maybe not love, but definitely feeling chemistry) with far too many of them to do myself any good. I’m going to be in Hamilton for another 4 to 5 months, then either Normandy or Montreal. Of course, ALL of the guys are not so interested in one time things with me (because I’m “a nice girl” and they don’t want to just use me), except Rami who insists that he won’t be hurt when I go but keeps trying to convince me to stay, which isn’t going to happen. It’s driving me a bit crazy. But I think it’s just driving me crazy cause I’m thinking about it a bit too much. I wish I could just spend more time with one of these guys, get to know him and have a slightly normal relationship, but that just doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me at the moment. Not that I’m complaining about the flirtations. I’m SO blown away by the fact that ANY of these guys are even SLIGHTLY interested in me.

Teacher Man is a great book. I would totally marry Frank McCourt.