Sitting in a coffee shop…

Having moved all my stuff (minus clothes, shoes and my alarmclockradio) to Montreal this weekend, my apartment is now computerless. Sarah asked if I wanted to meet up at Williams (she’s here studying with a friend) so I stopped in and she offered me the use of her laptop to check email and so forth.

5:30 April 15th, 2007

Sitting on the floor in my empty room in Hamilton amidst piles of clothes and the empty bags that they will soon fill. Just devoured a salad from a tupperware container with a borrowed fork. I feel like I could devour the world right now and I would enjoy every bite. I’m feeling very appreciative of life and all its flavours. My mind is racing, but writing helps to pin the thoughts down, especially with the slow methodical pen strokes. I thought I didn’t have a pen, but I found one holding my page in a sudoku book that was a christmas present from an ex-boyfriend. I told people I would call when I got home, but I’m enjoying this moment of being disconnected. No distractions, a moment of rest from this hectic period of change. At the same time I love being in transition. I’m both terrified and excited for the next thing. I can’t stop thinking and planning for Montreal and how I’m going to arrange this in my apartment and getting a job and figuring out what to do about the wireless internet and my wired computer (I want a laptop but I just can’t afford it right now) and changing my number from 905 to 514 and should I stay with Telus or wait and hope to get a deal with Fido if I get a job with them and on and on and on. I made a list and I feel more organized but there is just so much to do before I get there and I almost don’t want it all to get done because I am loving this high. It’s exhausting but I don’t want it to end, I don’t want that low. I don’t want to say goodbye but I don’t want to bring the past with me. I don’t want things to be the same as they are now even if some of it is too good to be true. I want to go to Montreal with no restrictions and just live my life as well as I can. Talking to Tara today I feel so connected, so similar, so exactly the same in the way we were feeling despite how different our situations are. The scared, giddy happiness, dreading the “end” of the transition, just wanting to keep moving on, doing what feels right. Standing in a crowd of people and not worrying about how I got there or where I’m going next but loving being there at that moment and feeling safe and confident that the world will take me where I need to go and if it doesn’t I’ll do it myself, damn it!

Reading On the Road is perfect right now. Having Little Pieces in my head is perfect right now, particularly “when I was a girl well I didn’t much care about why I was where I was or how I got there”. I’m gathering my pieces now so later, when I’m taking a bath someday down the road, regrouping, I can wonder at them and know that I did what was right for the moment and not regret a thing.

Going to call the boy now and enjoy some of our last moments together in Hamilton. See ya on the flip side!

PS. Pigeons are wise beyond their looks. She’s goin’!

After writing that I called the boy, organized the piles of clothes and few items I have left here, did some sudoku puzzles while snacking on robin eggs and then had a little nap. I’m quite content. Gonna log off of this and head over to the boys house for the evening. I’ll be spending a lot of time there this week.

One more thing before I run off…  do people have me in their feed readers? Or are you guys checking out the actual page? Just curious. Thanks!